How Can I Help You?
by K.B.Maillet
Summary: Inspired by "How can I help you?" by Lesya7. A strange girl shows up after a long day of training, just to ask Itachi for a photo. Will the genius agree to the weird one's demands and why is Kisame suddenly angry with her?


**Hello fellow Fanficers! This is K.B. Maillet with a special fiction for all Itachi Fangirls out there!**

**Now, I am one too though not too extremely. Yes, he is hot and smart but in hind-sight, making your little brother into a revenge obsessed, power hungry, traitor to his village (to all Sasuke Fangirls: It doesn't matter if he did join back, HE STILL BLOODY WELL LEFT!)...probably wasn't his brightest idea...heh.**

**Now, I was browsing some pictures on Deviant Art for some inspiration when I came across a certain picture titled "Itachi: How can I help you?" by Lesya7 (check out the rest of Lesya-sama's art, its awesome!)...and I think its a very good picture but what really got me wanting to do an Itachi fanfic was the comments of the picture and some of them were their reply to his "How can I help you?" question...most of them involved his pants, heh.**

**My first thoughts on the picture was a lame joke: Itachi, you lack...clothing! Heh...**

* * *

How Can I Help You? 

It wasn't the sounds of footsteps approaching that caught his attention.

It wasn't the hushed voices that made him arch his brow.

It wasn't the sudden knock, slow but strong, that intrigued him.

It wasn't even the fact that someone knew where he and Kisame were that made him smirk...secretly.

Oh no, what made Uchiha Itachi wonder what exactly was going on was the sight that greeted him at the front door in the afternoon. The genius opened his sliding door of the balcony of the house to reveal a girl who looked to be a year or two older than him.

She had long, reddish-brown hair that reached half-way down her back but was kept in a high ponytail, her bangs were straight and brushed her eyebrows. She was pale, looking as though she didn't get much sun, which made her big, very dark blue eyes stand out that more. The girl wore a baggy purple-and-yellow stripped sweater over a white tank-top with black jeans, brown boots, and a pair of dark green goggles sitting on top of her head. Strapped to her back was a very large grey pencil. She looked at him with a bored expression though pink tinted her cheeks, it was rather hard not to miss with her pale skin.

"Yo..." She greeted along with a peace sign, Itachi's brow only climbing higher up. Her dark blue eyes looked at him up and down before a slow grinned married her face, "Having fun, heh?"

For those who was wondering and curious as to her tease, let us first take a look (a very long, steamy look) at what the Uchiha was wearing...or _lack_ of what he should be wearing.

Itachi stood wearing nothing more than a pair of black pants and his necklace, his hair held back in a loose ponytail by a red elastic (or so this author assumes) but his hair laid in a mess on top of his head. The light coming from near the doorway made him shine a little, obviously he got sweaty doing _something_ of physical effort. The strange girl chuckled at her private joke, "Do I smell some yaoi going on?"

"How can I help you?" He spoke in a slowed, monotonous voice. He wasn't smiling...but Itachi was good with keeping his emotions in check and hidden. Inside, he was smirking at how amused she was.

"I don't know, was I interrupting some private affair? Heh~"

"I was training, if you must know." His brow lowered back to his original place, her smirk did so as well before blowing some hair out of her face. He leaned slightly on the door frame, her eyes shifted over to his arm. Her gaze wasn't in fright, it was more in interest, like when you really, REALLY like something you see. She must have caught herself since she blinked, jumping slightly before quickly looking back at Itachi's face, the pink returning, "Might I ask what your name is?"

"Sure, knock yourself out."

"..."

"..."

"What is your name?"

"I am known by a lot of names," How cliché, "But right now, I am known as K.B. Maillet...though you can just call me K.B." K.B. said before grinning with closed eyes, rocking on the balls of her feet and her hands were clasped behind her back. Itachi was suspicious of her, he narrowed his eyes at her, his Sharingan flaring its deep red. "I already know your name, Itachi-sama." Yeah, that didn't help his growing suspicion but either she was too stupid to notice or she really didn't care, "And I have come here to ask you a little favour~"

"How can I help you?" This time was a little stern.

"I was wondering if I could borrow some of your sugar, heh!"

He blinked before blinking again and once more for good measure, apparently K.B. found this funny because the rusty brunet started to snicker and giggle. "My...sugar?" She nodded vigorously, finding his confusion humorous. He didn't know exactly what she meant by that, his _sugar_ could be implying many things, anywhere from actual sugar to...well this author is too bashful to say but all she can say is that its something you need if you want to have babies (Uchiha babies to be more specific).

Itachi's expression went passive again as he looked at her up and down though she was too busy laughing to notice this. She was the type of person you would think looked "pretty", not "beautiful". Her hair was fizzy but was slightly curly, it was a dark, rich colour too but held no shine to it. From what skin he could see, she had scars though most were on her hands, probably from cooking. Her skin was too pale for his liking as well. She was curvy, from what he could tell, but she didn't seem physically fit.

Itachi sighed, figuring that this would be yet another fangirl.

"I guess I could do worse." K.B. stopped and glared but before she could ask what he meant, Itachi stepped forward and circled his arms around her, pulling her close to him, holding her against his body. This shut her up instantly as her face grew from a light dusting of pink to a very dark shade of pink that covered her face. He decided to take it up a notch and leaned in closely to her ear, whispering, "But I'm finding it hard to turn down your offer~". Her eyes widened and for a moment, with her pressed against his chest, he felt her stop breathing.

"D-Dammit, Uchiha! Th-That is _not_ what I m-meant!" K.B. stuttered, weakly hitting her fists against his chest before pausing, getting that same look on her face from when she looked at his arms as she stared at his chest, letting the blushing intensify before she resumed her "beating" him, "Quit distracting me with that body of yours, heh!"

Now it was his turn to chuckle in amusement, "And just how is that my fault?"

"..."

"..."

"DAMN YOUR UCHIHA LOGIC!"

He finally let her go and took a step back, she gave the impression of a frazzled cat. They could hear Kisame, he _had_ been sleeping, snorting a bit before waking up. Obviously the commotion disturbed his slumber and wanted to check what was going on. "How can I help you?"

K.B. straightened her back, gaining an air of professionalism around her, "I am here on behalf of all Itachi Fan-girls, on a quest to capture THEE sexy photo of you, heh!" Now he knew she was joking...or at least he did before he saw her frown, disgruntled as ever, "I am not kidding. You see, we only draw pictures of you but no one has ever dared to actually try to take a sexy photo of you. You are a ninja for one, an Uchiha for another...and Kisame keeps scaring the girls off."

"I do not!" called a voice from a far.

"YES YOU DO NOW SHUT UP BEFORE I SMACK THE STUPID RIGHT OUT OF YOU, I AM DOING BUSINESS HERE!"

"If you wanted a picture of me, why are you being so up front about it?"

A prideful smirk played on her lip, a look of fiery passion he had only seen in Deidara lit in her blue eyes, "Because stalker photos have no life to them, heh! Its got to be real, it has to be like your staring right at them with those bedroom eyes that scream for a night of hot and passionate-"

"Your fangirls are weird..." Kisame was now in view, wearing pretty much close to nothing...and K.B. was staring again.

"K.B..."

No response...

"K.B...?"

Still no response...

"K.B.!" The girl jumped and looked to Itachi, blinking a few times before blushing and clearing her throat. Ah yes, did I forget to mention she was a Kisame Fan-girl too? "How can I help you?"

"Yes, well, just let me take a picture of you. With you...like you are...and looking at the camera." From behind her back, she withdrew a camera. Kisame moved out of the way (he didn't want his picture taken) as Itachi moved to the door again. He made it look like he was opening the sliding door and heard a click. See, its not that hard boys~

With a grin, K.B. nodded her head, "Thanks for doing business with you, heh!" She went to look at the photo.

Right then, something started to bother Itachi's eye. He went to run it out but it only made it worse, "Kisame, there is something in my eye."

"Here let me see." Due to the fact that Kisame was WAY taller than Itachi, the missing-nin had to kneel in front of his partner. He carefully placed both his hands on the sides of his head, moving Itachi's head so that the kid was looking right at him. He could see something but wasn't too sure what it was. He was so focused on looking at Itachi's eyes (NOT IN THAT WAY!) that he was unconsciously leaning closer and closer before-

_Click_

Both men turned to see K.B. with her camera pointed right at them, grinning deviously and admiring her handy work, "Ah yes, this will go into the Yaoi Hall of Fame for sure, heh~" Before snickering to herself. Both men blinked, confused as to what, then why, before realizing their positions. Itachi simply sighed but Kisame...you could feel the killer intent rippling in waves. "Oh shit!" K.B. said as she saw Kisame coming back outside with Samehada in his hands.

"IMMA GONNA KILL YOU!" K.B. bolted quickly out of the way of the shark-skin sword, clutching her camera to her chest.

"Alright, run girls! I got the yaoi saved!" Suddenly, a bunch of girls came out of the bushes and ran. At least that explained the voices, Itachi was worried for a moment he had gone insane...

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**And there you have it! Wasn't that nice of him to let me-**

**Kisame: I am going to skin you alive!**

**Me: EEP! But I'm your fan! *Runs***

**Don't forget to FF&R and also check out Lesya-sama's pictures on Deviant Art!**


End file.
